You are Welcome Here…
Is judging a necessity in life? Is there a difference between judging and discerning?
When we drive a vehicle, is ok to judge all the other drivers?
Is it ok to decide whether another person is doing the right thing or wearing the right clothes or living the right life?
Who makes us the ones who get to decide?
Do we believe that we should sit beside God, listen to his messages, then let the rest of the world know what he has said?
After once again watching the movie, “The Shack”, I was astounded by the section where the main character visits the Judge. There are so many times in life when we decide who’s to blame, who’s at fault, who’s the “bad guy”.
We do so without being able to see what is going on below the surface of the person we are judging, without knowing the background of the other person, without having our hearts open in compassion. I wonder what our judging is designed to do for us. Do we believe that we must prove the other wrong so that we don’t get blamed, or so that we can stay safe from rejection, abandonment, ridicule, etc?
It’s important to look below the surface to find the part of us that wants to do that judging.
What does that part believe about judging? I imagine it has its origin in fear, fear that, if we don’t take action, we will be punished, ridiculed, denied love, abandoned. Or perhaps we believe we are so far above the other person, so much better than, so superior to the other and, if we can just share what we know, then we can keep away hurt. Where does this belief originate?
I believe we are born with the belief and that, as the Pathwork teachings suggest, we are here to work on that place in us.
That same place decided to avoid the hurt in any way we could.
To avoid, we must make sure that we are never judged again.
Feel familiar? We want to avoid being hurt again, thinking that judging others is the avenue towards that safety.
How does it work? What if we are a judge of others, as this part of the movie suggests?
Does that really keep us safe from hurt?
Or does it set us up for more hurt?
It seems like we must consider the possibility that judging will create more hurting for us. Why? Do others want to surround themselves with people who judge? Or do they disengage because it seems that the judge will be hurtfully judging? In addition to the hurt we bring ourselves by judging, we are not feeling compassionate or loving which further adds to our own hurt.
This awareness is important to take in, not only from the place of understanding, but feeling what we are doing to others, how our protective action is actually hurtful to both us and the other person.
I find myself feeling sad about this fact. I must look within to find compassion for others even though it feels risky to open myself and, yes, even though I might be hurt. On the other hand, I might not be hurt. I might be able to connect with them.
Connection is what I want–connection to myself, connection with others, and connection to God.
I’m going to practice noticing my judging and then risking opening even though it will probably be imperfect.
Have you ever gotten the feeling that you were just supposed to do something even though it seemed like a lot of effort and you would rather stay at home?
What choice do you make?
We recently drove to the coast of South Carolina to listen to one of those sales pitches when we knew we were not going to buy anything, weren’t interested at all. We even practiced saying NO on the way there.
We were even clearer after we arrived at the sales pitch. But, we still went because we knew we needed to be there. It was one of those moments of surrender to the higher good. We had no idea what that higher good was.
As it turned out, we were able to help another person who was in need—right there in that room full of other salesmen trying to make a sales pitch. Right there in a room full of people. We knew that we needed to make a connection to the man trying to do the selling. We knew he needed the Pathwork, that we had something to offer him.
We knew he needed to find a recovery program that would assist him in dealing with some relatives that were in the depth of the disease of addiction. We had the tools to offer and could freely give them.
It felt so wonderful to know that God had sent us there, to not know before we arrived why we were really there. And did I mention that Hurricane Irma was coming up the coast of Florida? We had to cut our stay short, turn around, and drive all the way back to Virginia because of being evacuated.
Wow, we were still in amazement about it, we still are clear about wanting to do work for the higher good. It seems to be about surrender. Can I tune into guidance and go with it? Can you? Can I take that risk to become vulnerable and open to another person? Will I? Will you?
It was a bit of a shock in the moment when we realized why we were there in that meeting. It was a moment of being in awe to know in humility that we were being used in this way. It was a moment of risk to let someone we didn’t know into ours hearts.
I want to be used in this way more. How about you?
How do you deal with the stress of these insane days?
Stress can be wicked in the way it affects the body, in the way we use to cope with it, and in the way it takes over our relationships. It seems like most of our days are consumed with dealing with one stressor right after another with no end in sight.
What stressors do you have?
Job security? Intimacies? Family dynamics? Illness?
And probably many more like some new uncertainty or how to stretch a dollar a little more.
We can shove our feelings of fear about the unknown or we can let it consume us; each choice not a good one.
How do we deal with it without using some defense system that we have developed over the years?
Unlike the way I learned—push my feelings down out of sight–the Pathwork way is to look at the part of us that wants to continue in the same old defense.
Right now my two cats are at a stalemate—one little older female hissing and screaming at the other larger male. My first instinct is to jump up and break up the potential fight. But what if I don’t; what if I let them work it out?
Is it possible that my interference is contributing to the issues between the two? (The reality is that the fight is about food…little female wants large male’s food. He doesn’t really care but wants to have a companion. She wants no part of that!)
What other defense systems are in operation when stress hits?
We might use a substance—alcohol, drugs, food, sex, shopping, gambling, playing video games, reading a book, learning a new skill, reasoning out why (and asking why doesn’t get us anywhere—if we knew why it still wouldn’t help us)…and hundreds of others. Or we might withdraw into something that we can tell ourselves is good for us. We can use anything to do this and need to check inside for our motives. What can be something good for us (like meditation), can also be defense when we use it to not feel the stress.
I’m calling all of you to investigate this yourself! What’s your preference? How do you use it to cope?
Then there’s the question of how that defense lands with others. If we are being honest deep inside, we would see how the defense system that we have developed hurts us. It drives others away or makes them attack. Others may give up on us. They may develop their own ways of coping with our defense—the old “can’t beat them so I’ll join them”. This may last a while but finally makes them leave.
I doubt we want to be abandoned or rejected or criticized, but unfortunately the very thing we use to cope with stress is probably partly responsible for creating the very thing we want to avoid.
I don’t know about you, but I’m just trying to make it through the next stressful situation…it seems so shocking to look at it as my part of driving others away. Feeling the sadness right this moment…
How do you feel when you realize it?
You probably are asking (I know I am) what is the world is the alternative????
It’s so simple (not easy), just open my heart and feel what I’m feeling…that’s the secret…
And when we do that, we let in spirit. Spirit can show us what needs to happen next and we can trust that what we receive is real and true.
I’ve never known it to be wrong…every time I truly tune in, feel my feelings, and go with guidance, it’s the right thing. It brings me peace. Notice the order here…first feel what I’m feeling. Otherwise, the guidance that comes in may not be real or from a positive spiritual basis.
Eventually…not in my time necessarily, but it does happen.
I hope I can remember this one key for the next stressing situation that comes my way. And I pray that you can, too.
When is it REAL??
I’ve heard so much about this topic that I wonder when the work is real.
I seem to be coming up with more questions than answers…
I’ve recently been diving into working with Shamanism. To me it means diving deeply into the spiritual dimension of healing while being guided to examine my issues, one at a time. As I continue to make contact, I find myself trusting my spirit guides, allowing them to decide the next steps on my spiritual journey.
It is when I am using that spiritual journey to prevent or avoid looking at the flaws in my character, in looking at where I am imperfect.
As long as I am here on Earth in a human body, I will continue to have flaws.
However, I AM NOT MY FLAWS!!
I am sure that we all are pure energy, divine light that has come to this plane of existence to heal some part of us that has gotten smudged along the way. We have journeyed here into this life to bring out that smudge so that we can clear it up, shine up that area of our being that prevents letting the light in us shine as brightly as it could.
One way to access the “smudge” is to work in the arena of shamanism along with Pathwork as a spiritual path toward a more enlightened living. In this area we can go on a spiritual journey into the depths and heights of the being we are on the inside.
Are you ready?
Can you feel the beat of the drums?
Close your eyes and start on a journey into the depths of your being. Feel yourself being drawn to a spiritual helper, a guide who can assist you along the way.
Who could it be?
Perhaps you connect with an animal or a bird; perhaps you are drawn to a majestic mountain top or to a blade of grass; or the guide awaiting you could be an element like water to carry you to the destination for this learning. Let yourself be carried along…
Notice everything you can along the way. Are there boulders or obstacles? Do meet anyone as you continue on this journey?
Write down what your experience was like, paying particular attention to the feeling, the energy that is present as you progress.
Let me know about your journey.
How Does It Rule Our Lives?
I’ve been observing how much fear is in this world we live in. It can consume us; it can remove all pleasure. What is this powerful force about? How do we cope in the face of fear?
The Pathwork works with this negative energy current that runs through so many of us and teaches us how to overcome, how to function in the face of fear.
Facing the fear is one step…we need to step into the fear with the divine current of courage. Perhaps we need another person to hold our hand as we step through fear into the other side.
Have you ever faced something with hands shaking and knees quaking (did I just make a rhyme?)? Did you keep on going even though you were afraid? What gave you the courage? I remember how many times I changed schools in my past. We moved and moved and moved—sometimes to another state, sometimes just across town, but the norm was to move to a different location. You may have heard about taking the geographic cure? It never worked for my family because we always took us along with us! So the root of the problems were still there.
I see long time relationships that my kids have now, as adults, that have lasted since they were very young. I’m so happy that they have that and wish I could have had it, too. I learned some deep lessons, though. How to find my way around in a new place, how to be self-sufficient, how to get along on my own. Yet, I remember the self-consciousness, and the loneliness; the uncertainty and the lack of history between me and others. I learned to let go of relationships quickly and to wall myself off from being very close, from leaning on others. I assumed that we’d be leaving soon and we always did…
Now I have to remember that I am part of a community where there is actually support for each other, where we deeply care what happens to each other. The Pathwork community here is alive and strong. I still remember the evening when I returned home after my husband had his surgery a few years ago. There were extreme complications; we didn’t know if he would survive or if his brain would be intact. I sat down at my computer and sent out an email to my Pathwork group saying only that I was in trouble and would they pray for me.
Some must have been at their computers right then because I quickly could feel people’s prayers coming to me; I could feel them scooping me up and holding me. It was a momentous moment for me. As the days passed and my husband returned to us, I would get a gentle message via phone or email that they were still there and still holding us both.
This is such a gift—to be a part of a whole, to be a part of a community that is global. It’s almost more than I can comprehend.
We are such a diverse group. We each have different ways to approach our work. Some work through the consciousness, some work through the body, some work with nature, some work with spirit. But the Pathwork is the glue that binds us all. We have this body of work that is amazing still. It was given to us ending in the late 1970’s but is still giving us a way of life. I’m so grateful.
And one of the particular ways of being that we humans hold is a way to walk through fear. Fear is described to us as a defense that we learned as young children (or we were born with it) as a way to explain the unexplainable world around us. We try to cover up the fear in numerous ways but it stays with us. And the Pathwork gives us a map to make our way out of fear and into a world that is safe.
How does fear affect your life?
My sharing right now feels raw…
We, in my family, have just experienced another loss. Besides my own grief, I’ve noticed how many different ways people deal with grief. What does it look like to you? Do you feel sad? Do you attack? Do you find someone else who is also vulnerable in their grief and misunderstand and blame? Do you withdraw? Do you build a case?
So many ways to defend against feeling a broken heart…
As I sit here, I’m feeling sadness. With death, there is no second chance to reconnect, at least not in this lifetime. There is a finality to it. And I have to deal with the empty hole that is in my heart.
And, I’m absolutely sure that there is a spirit world out there where we can reconnect and heal.
The teachings of the Pathwork seem to indicate that the soul needs a time for healing after death. I wonder what that looks like? I wonder if there is a spiritual hospital that one enters upon leaving this life. And who are those who tend to the incoming souls? Are there spiritual doctors?
And, once again, I see the ravages that addiction cause on a person’s body here on this earthly plane. That makes it doubly sad because there is another way…in Pathwork we learn to feel the past feelings to heal that sore place inside. It’s not an easy way, but once again, I see how I can heal from the past. You can, too. The way is clear.
I’m reminded about what’s behind addiction (from my experience of working with addiction). There are experiences that we have had that we were too young to know how to heal (or even stand it). We looked for something to make our experience bearable. Using something made us feel better. It made the pain of what happened to us less excruciating. Then we grew up.
We continue to use that thing that helped us. It became our “drug of choice.” That drug could be anything—food, excitement, silence and withdrawal, rebellion, blaming, an actual substance…anything that distracts us from the pain. This strategy goes on below the surface; we’re not even aware of it. And yet, it rules our lives. How? We send out energy into the universe that attracts to us the very person(s) who will activate the issue.
For example, I believed (unconsciously) that I was unlovable. That is why my mother would get drunk and pass out. To my adult that seems silly, but it was what I believed. I sent that energy out into the universe and attracted to me people who did not know how to love. See how it works? When we are very young, we make something up to explain why we are experiencing what is happening in our lives.
What to do about it…it’s a two-part fix…at one level we must recognize what is happening—see when the belief is at work and NOT BELIEVE IT. At a deeper level, we must go to those deep dark places that we experienced as a child and feel all the feelings that we couldn’t feel when we very young. When we have done that level of the work (and it takes a while to dig it all out), we can let go of the belief. And the addiction lessens. And we don’t have to die a painful unnecessary death…
What is the Universe Thinking to bring us so many crises so fast together—one right after another until we are on our knees in surrender?
Have you been experiencing this in your life like I have?
We have had a death,
followed by a birth (Mom was in trouble so new baby born a month early),
followed by a stroke victim in the family.
And it just keeps on happening!! I need to take a breath here and give myself time to feel what I feel.
I’ve been on the outside edges of it all in a supportive role and yet even that has been so much to hold. It’s only been in the past few days that I have had a chance to step back and see the bigger perspective. And then while I’m trying to do that yet another person has passed away!
OK universe, I need a break!
When I can step back even a little I can take in that each crisis has been a blessing. Perhaps that is the message from the universe. There is a bigger picture and I’m not going to see it while I am in the midst of it.
What is the bigger picture in your life?
Can you step back and see how so many of the events of your life are fitting together to bring you to a particular learning?
As I sat with the new baby and dad while mom was taking a shower, I was able to see how that babe could relax and feel safe in his dad’s arms. I was able to share with dad that he was giving his new son such a wonderful gift, the gift of knowing that he is safe on this earth.
I wonder—did I ever have that feeling?
I’m so grateful to be here to see how this new generation of parents is creating a next generation of children (who will grow up to be adults, of course) who believe they have a place on earth, that the earth supports them and holds them. Now I doubt that this dad who hadn’t slept in about three days could focus on much more than simply holding his son, but I had a different perspective and could see the glow surrounding them
It brings up the question about what kind of generation I’m from…certainly my parents were not very aware of the broader scope of their actions. They were post war parents trying to eke out a living, trying to survive. A friend recently told me about how her daughter really feels loved. I don’t know what that is like growing up. And it’s sad… this child will grow up with another way of being, a way to live at peace.
In the political strife that is so rampant these days, it seems to me that others forget about my generation and what they accomplished. In the 1960s we fought to end our participation in Vietnam; we fought to bring out the rights of woman; we fought to end integration.
We are fighters! We continue to want to right the wrongs in our society and in the world.
We have fought for the rights and freedoms of others no matter what choices they have made in their lifestyles, in their beliefs, and in their mates. I don’t think it matters to me very much who another chooses to be with as long as it is right for them. I’m in acceptance now… You have the right to be who you are!! Whew! How strongly I believe that…
The new generation can grow up with those changes that are still in the process of being made but are certainly moving in the right direction (that’s my opinion, and I’m sticking to it, as my step mom used to say). We are bringing them into a world with a different set of problems than the ones we had to cope with, and we can celebrate how much has been done so far. At least they can feel loved and safe for a little while (a few days?) after birth.
Then what about the deaths that seem to be occurring right now?
What is the bigger picture about death?
Why must suffering be a part of the dying process?
I can’t see the bigger picture about that yet. Perhaps it’s not for me to even know. I can only believe that a person who is suffering and who has no hope of getting better is ready to pass to the other side.
What about this other side anyway?
I wonder what it will be like when I get there. I’m certainly not done yet here on this earth plane and yet I wonder. The Pathwork teaches us so much about being in the spirit.
Have you checked it out?
We learn that we are living in a world of duality.
There’s me and not me as one basic way of viewing it. And life versus death is another.
What if these basic premises are incorrect? What if there is no not me? What if there is no life versus death? Could it be that we just are?
Yesterday, I spent some time with other leaders in the Mid-Atlantic Pathwork. During that time, I realized that I am not alone, that I really am a part of a community that cares deeply about me as I care about them. I wish all of you could feel into that part of our community, could feel into what it means to be truly supported even while I’m in this supportive role for others. We humans do need each other. We need to know that we are cared about, that we matter to another.
I want you to know that you matter to me, that I want to be there to support you, that you can be a part of our community. I would love to hear back from you about how you are being affected by events happening personally and globally.
Can you hear me now? Catch phrases…
Are we being brainwashed by media bombardment? I keep seeing commercial ads for all sorts of things: Medications… Are we being overloaded with the idea that we must take a pill for each ailment? Or drive a car superfast to be a part of the jet set? Are we buying into the beliefs that are constantly being forced on us–like sex is the way to get what we want, a way to sell something? To be accepted we must have the latest electronic device so that we can bury our heads in the internet and not look at what is all around us! We must be in constant and instant communication with each other. We must have an instant fix on everything!!
What would happen if we were suddenly put back in time where we had to talk to each other? Where we didn’t have central air conditioning so had to go outside in the evenings just to cool off? When we got to know our neighbors because they were out doing the same thing? We talked over the fence in the back yard. We could send our children outside to play without worrying about them being hurt or kidnapped…
Now, I have to admit that I love my electronic devices, love being able to stay in touch more easily. What I don’t like is this idea of being brainwashed into believing what someone else is trying to sell me. I believe that the person wants to make money. That idea doesn’t sit well with me. I want to be able to make up my own mind about things. One of my biggest resistances is to someone trying to tell me what to do. It sparks an immediate pushback from me. I want to say NO just because someone says I should.
I have to laugh about that to myself. I believe we all have resistances. What is yours?
Here are some others that I have observed in people:
Some folks are into the gimme gimme…(and never satisfied no matter how much they receive)
How about those who refuse to be vulnerable…(someone will hurt me if I’m not strong and aggressive)
There are those who always want to be the boss (I can relate to this one, too)
Some folks treat every new situation as something terrifying…(the world is not safe)
I should be able to reason my way through everything…(being a mathematician, I can identify)
Now we are supposed to take a pill to make it all better—fight depression, calm anxiety, lose weight, be strong, calm our nerves…buy something to feel better…
There must be a better way!!!
I’ve found the Pathwork that helps with all the above. It is not a quick fix, but is a lasting change. I work on myself, change back into who I used to be before my life experiences interfered; trauma caused me to decide how the world works from an age too young to be able to see with maturity, and mysteriously, the world around me begins to shift for the better. It is truly remarkable. It takes time for me to trust you with my feelings. It takes time for me to trust me with my feelings. It takes time for me to find out what I really believe deep down inside. It takes time to bring to the surface of my awareness all the memories, feelings, and false conclusions I reached based on the immature reasoning ability of a child. It takes time for me to then let go of the past—it means grieving what I didn’t receive and opening to some new experiences.
OK, where do I even go to work on it? How do I let go? I can say the words but what makes it really happen? What grieving?
The Pathwork Transformation Program is a place to work all these issues out in a safe and loving environment. You will make the journey with the same group of people who are also doing the work and with trained and experienced leaders. It makes such a difference to be held in community with others who are working just as hard as you are, who want the healing just as much, and who see how important it is to develop a deep relationship with the most spiritual and real part of yourself.
I’d love to hear what you think around this issue. Let’s talk about it. Send me your comments.
If I understand What I’m doing, Will It Heal Me?
I’ve been considering more about how we heal and my belief that our issues lie in our cells.
If that is the case, then I have to do something to find out what is locked in the cells of my body. And I can’t “figure out” how to access those issues by using my brain, by reading material, or by understanding what’s happening. We each have what is called a Lower Self (our shadow side) that is dedicated to thwarting our efforts to gain access to those same issues locked in the cells of our body.
Whew! I am going to need help with this problem. Furthermore, (I love using that word—doesn’t it sound pompous?) I can understand now that I’m trying really hard to prevent myself from healing at the same time that I’m wanting to heal myself.
It’s like I’m pushing and pulling at the same time and trying to “figure out” what to do about it. Or I’m trying to find someone else to blame. Or I’m trying to submit to being a victim to circumstances beyond my control.
I’ve learned over and over that I get virtually nowhere trying to control that push/pull. Controlling only hides one side of the “storm” while trying to control the other and wondering why nothing changes. I can “understand” forever without making progress.
“Ok. Ok. I get it already…this is what doesn’t work…what does work?” The answer seems obvious—get in touch with the parts that I have hidden from myself.
“Wow! How do I get in touch with something that I’m unconscious of?”
It is not an easy task. One way to help is to meditate regularly, asking for help from the spiritual realm.
Another way is to find your way to a Pathwork group. It is in working in a group on a regular basis that your unconscious will come to the surface.
Being in a relationship and looking at each issue that arises between you and another will also bring your issues to the surface. But, you still may not be able to see them ourselves. You still will need someone to gently lead you through your part.
It is through risking showing what is deeply hidden from others that you can access the issues in a loving environment. Now, a loving environment doesn’t mean all is going to be love and light every minute.
“Why would I want to be in some group that is bringing to the surface the shadow in me?”
For sure you can only have a choice in what you do when you can see and feel what is really happening. In having a choice you can then choose what serves you best.
“After I have a choice, all will be well?”
Unfortunately, no. That side of you that is hidden actually likes the energy of the negative. Yhe Pathwork calls it negative pleasure. Negative pleasure may not feel “good” or “pleasant,” yet is a way to get our energy moving; it is a time when we feel more alive. It has an intensity to it that we like. To heal we have to “understand” that we can keep the intensity without attaching a negative way of dealing with the world around us.
“Where can I find one of these groups?”
Look for a Pathwork Transformation Program. If there is none in your area, you can travel to the Mid-Atlantic Pathwork region. See the flyer in my calendar of events for the non-residential Pathwork Transformation Program that will begin in October of 2017.
“What is this Pathwork Transformation Program?”
This program is an on-going group where those who are quite serious about their healing, come together to work on their unconscious issues, those very same issues that are locked in the cells of the body. It is a safe, loving environment where you can heal.
You will learn by reading, discussing, and experiencing the Pathwork lectures, by moving the body to access those cells, by using prayer and meditation, by participating in group ritual, and by getting individual time to work on your issues.
I would love to hear how you are doing as you dive deeply into what is unconscious in you.
If the bus represents you as you navigate your way through life, which part of you is driving?
For most of us the ego takes over during that part of life where we are developing a career and/or raising a family. And we need a strong ego to travel along our spiritual path.
However, the ego is not equipped to hear inspiration, to connect deeply with spirit, or to enhance a knowing about the steps we need to take to heal our wounding. Perhaps, the ego and the Divine Inner Self need a partnership. The ego is well equipped to follow directions, (Turn right in half a mile) or to ignore the directions. The ego is good at judging, prioritizing, debugging, making lists and many, many daily tasks. The ideas, however, must come from a different place, from that place inside where new ideas formulate.
Have you ever watched an inventor or a scientist or a mathematician solve a problem?
I recently watched the movie “Hidden Figures” about the black women mathematicians at NASA solving problems. The main character would stand there and look at the problem for a while and then suddenly she knew what to do. Now I know Hollywood souped up and speeded up the whole process, but I remember being in college and working on a mathematics problem. (Yes, I was a math major) It would rattle around in me for hours and sometimes for days. I would do something else while that inner place would continue to work. Then later, out would pop the solution.
Looking back now I can see my ego getting up from the driver’s seat and allowing my inner being into the drivers seat for a while. That inner part of me wasn’t that good at driving, so the ego had to stay around in case the deep inner knowing place’s attention would wander off.
Later in life I learned to connect with my inner self so that new guidance could come in. Was it me; was it from the spirit world, does it even matter? No matter where the guidance is coming from, I trust it as a positive force after being shown the positive result of following that guidance over and over.
I didn’t always allow the ego to take new directions. I fought and argued and even flat out said NO. Yet, there continued to be a gentle, kind, loving urge. It has never let me down.
Not even once.
After I surrender to it, let go of fighting it, my ego gets a new set of directions, perhaps even a new destination and can take over the details of the driving. That’s what the ego is good at.
Who is driving your bus? Where are the different parts of you sitting? What do you see when you look out the window? Even what kind of bus are you driving?