You are Welcome Here…
My sharing right now feels raw…
We, in my family, have just experienced another loss. Besides my own grief, I’ve noticed how many different ways people deal with grief. What does it look like to you? Do you feel sad? Do you attack? Do you find someone else who is also vulnerable in their grief and misunderstand and blame? Do you withdraw? Do you build a case?
So many ways to defend against feeling a broken heart…
As I sit here, I’m feeling sadness. With death, there is no second chance to reconnect, at least not in this lifetime. There is a finality to it. And I have to deal with the empty hole that is in my heart.
And, I’m absolutely sure that there is a spirit world out there where we can reconnect and heal.
The teachings of the Pathwork seem to indicate that the soul needs a time for healing after death. I wonder what that looks like? I wonder if there is a spiritual hospital that one enters upon leaving this life. And who are those who tend to the incoming souls? Are there spiritual doctors?
And, once again, I see the ravages that addiction cause on a person’s body here on this earthly plane. That makes it doubly sad because there is another way…in Pathwork we learn to feel the past feelings to heal that sore place inside. It’s not an easy way, but once again, I see how I can heal from the past. You can, too. The way is clear.
I’m reminded about what’s behind addiction (from my experience of working with addiction). There are experiences that we have had that we were too young to know how to heal (or even stand it). We looked for something to make our experience bearable. Using something made us feel better. It made the pain of what happened to us less excruciating. Then we grew up.
We continue to use that thing that helped us. It became our “drug of choice.” That drug could be anything—food, excitement, silence and withdrawal, rebellion, blaming, an actual substance…anything that distracts us from the pain. This strategy goes on below the surface; we’re not even aware of it. And yet, it rules our lives. How? We send out energy into the universe that attracts to us the very person(s) who will activate the issue.
For example, I believed (unconsciously) that I was unlovable. That is why my mother would get drunk and pass out. To my adult that seems silly, but it was what I believed. I sent that energy out into the universe and attracted to me people who did not know how to love. See how it works? When we are very young, we make something up to explain why we are experiencing what is happening in our lives.
What to do about it…it’s a two-part fix…at one level we must recognize what is happening—see when the belief is at work and NOT BELIEVE IT. At a deeper level, we must go to those deep dark places that we experienced as a child and feel all the feelings that we couldn’t feel when we very young. When we have done that level of the work (and it takes a while to dig it all out), we can let go of the belief. And the addiction lessens. And we don’t have to die a painful unnecessary death…
What is the Universe Thinking to bring us so many crises so fast together—one right after another until we are on our knees in surrender?
Have you been experiencing this in your life like I have?
We have had a death,
followed by a birth (Mom was in trouble so new baby born a month early),
followed by a stroke victim in the family.
And it just keeps on happening!! I need to take a breath here and give myself time to feel what I feel.
I’ve been on the outside edges of it all in a supportive role and yet even that has been so much to hold. It’s only been in the past few days that I have had a chance to step back and see the bigger perspective. And then while I’m trying to do that yet another person has passed away!
OK universe, I need a break!
When I can step back even a little I can take in that each crisis has been a blessing. Perhaps that is the message from the universe. There is a bigger picture and I’m not going to see it while I am in the midst of it.
What is the bigger picture in your life?
Can you step back and see how so many of the events of your life are fitting together to bring you to a particular learning?
As I sat with the new baby and dad while mom was taking a shower, I was able to see how that babe could relax and feel safe in his dad’s arms. I was able to share with dad that he was giving his new son such a wonderful gift, the gift of knowing that he is safe on this earth.
I wonder—did I ever have that feeling?
I’m so grateful to be here to see how this new generation of parents is creating a next generation of children (who will grow up to be adults, of course) who believe they have a place on earth, that the earth supports them and holds them. Now I doubt that this dad who hadn’t slept in about three days could focus on much more than simply holding his son, but I had a different perspective and could see the glow surrounding them
It brings up the question about what kind of generation I’m from…certainly my parents were not very aware of the broader scope of their actions. They were post war parents trying to eke out a living, trying to survive. A friend recently told me about how her daughter really feels loved. I don’t know what that is like growing up. And it’s sad… this child will grow up with another way of being, a way to live at peace.
In the political strife that is so rampant these days, it seems to me that others forget about my generation and what they accomplished. In the 1960s we fought to end our participation in Vietnam; we fought to bring out the rights of woman; we fought to end integration.
We are fighters! We continue to want to right the wrongs in our society and in the world.
We have fought for the rights and freedoms of others no matter what choices they have made in their lifestyles, in their beliefs, and in their mates. I don’t think it matters to me very much who another chooses to be with as long as it is right for them. I’m in acceptance now… You have the right to be who you are!! Whew! How strongly I believe that…
The new generation can grow up with those changes that are still in the process of being made but are certainly moving in the right direction (that’s my opinion, and I’m sticking to it, as my step mom used to say). We are bringing them into a world with a different set of problems than the ones we had to cope with, and we can celebrate how much has been done so far. At least they can feel loved and safe for a little while (a few days?) after birth.
Then what about the deaths that seem to be occurring right now?
What is the bigger picture about death?
Why must suffering be a part of the dying process?
I can’t see the bigger picture about that yet. Perhaps it’s not for me to even know. I can only believe that a person who is suffering and who has no hope of getting better is ready to pass to the other side.
What about this other side anyway?
I wonder what it will be like when I get there. I’m certainly not done yet here on this earth plane and yet I wonder. The Pathwork teaches us so much about being in the spirit.
Have you checked it out?
We learn that we are living in a world of duality.
There’s me and not me as one basic way of viewing it. And life versus death is another.
What if these basic premises are incorrect? What if there is no not me? What if there is no life versus death? Could it be that we just are?
Yesterday, I spent some time with other leaders in the Mid-Atlantic Pathwork. During that time, I realized that I am not alone, that I really am a part of a community that cares deeply about me as I care about them. I wish all of you could feel into that part of our community, could feel into what it means to be truly supported even while I’m in this supportive role for others. We humans do need each other. We need to know that we are cared about, that we matter to another.
I want you to know that you matter to me, that I want to be there to support you, that you can be a part of our community. I would love to hear back from you about how you are being affected by events happening personally and globally.
Can you hear me now? Catch phrases…
Are we being brainwashed by media bombardment? I keep seeing commercial ads for all sorts of things: Medications… Are we being overloaded with the idea that we must take a pill for each ailment? Or drive a car superfast to be a part of the jet set? Are we buying into the beliefs that are constantly being forced on us–like sex is the way to get what we want, a way to sell something? To be accepted we must have the latest electronic device so that we can bury our heads in the internet and not look at what is all around us! We must be in constant and instant communication with each other. We must have an instant fix on everything!!
What would happen if we were suddenly put back in time where we had to talk to each other? Where we didn’t have central air conditioning so had to go outside in the evenings just to cool off? When we got to know our neighbors because they were out doing the same thing? We talked over the fence in the back yard. We could send our children outside to play without worrying about them being hurt or kidnapped…
Now, I have to admit that I love my electronic devices, love being able to stay in touch more easily. What I don’t like is this idea of being brainwashed into believing what someone else is trying to sell me. I believe that the person wants to make money. That idea doesn’t sit well with me. I want to be able to make up my own mind about things. One of my biggest resistances is to someone trying to tell me what to do. It sparks an immediate pushback from me. I want to say NO just because someone says I should.
I have to laugh about that to myself. I believe we all have resistances. What is yours?
Here are some others that I have observed in people:
Some folks are into the gimme gimme…(and never satisfied no matter how much they receive)
How about those who refuse to be vulnerable…(someone will hurt me if I’m not strong and aggressive)
There are those who always want to be the boss (I can relate to this one, too)
Some folks treat every new situation as something terrifying…(the world is not safe)
I should be able to reason my way through everything…(being a mathematician, I can identify)
Now we are supposed to take a pill to make it all better—fight depression, calm anxiety, lose weight, be strong, calm our nerves…buy something to feel better…
There must be a better way!!!
I’ve found the Pathwork that helps with all the above. It is not a quick fix, but is a lasting change. I work on myself, change back into who I used to be before my life experiences interfered; trauma caused me to decide how the world works from an age too young to be able to see with maturity, and mysteriously, the world around me begins to shift for the better. It is truly remarkable. It takes time for me to trust you with my feelings. It takes time for me to trust me with my feelings. It takes time for me to find out what I really believe deep down inside. It takes time to bring to the surface of my awareness all the memories, feelings, and false conclusions I reached based on the immature reasoning ability of a child. It takes time for me to then let go of the past—it means grieving what I didn’t receive and opening to some new experiences.
OK, where do I even go to work on it? How do I let go? I can say the words but what makes it really happen? What grieving?
The Pathwork Transformation Program is a place to work all these issues out in a safe and loving environment. You will make the journey with the same group of people who are also doing the work and with trained and experienced leaders. It makes such a difference to be held in community with others who are working just as hard as you are, who want the healing just as much, and who see how important it is to develop a deep relationship with the most spiritual and real part of yourself.
I’d love to hear what you think around this issue. Let’s talk about it. Send me your comments.
If I understand What I’m doing, Will It Heal Me?
I’ve been considering more about how we heal and my belief that our issues lie in our cells.
If that is the case, then I have to do something to find out what is locked in the cells of my body. And I can’t “figure out” how to access those issues by using my brain, by reading material, or by understanding what’s happening. We each have what is called a Lower Self (our shadow side) that is dedicated to thwarting our efforts to gain access to those same issues locked in the cells of our body.
Whew! I am going to need help with this problem. Furthermore, (I love using that word—doesn’t it sound pompous?) I can understand now that I’m trying really hard to prevent myself from healing at the same time that I’m wanting to heal myself.
It’s like I’m pushing and pulling at the same time and trying to “figure out” what to do about it. Or I’m trying to find someone else to blame. Or I’m trying to submit to being a victim to circumstances beyond my control.
I’ve learned over and over that I get virtually nowhere trying to control that push/pull. Controlling only hides one side of the “storm” while trying to control the other and wondering why nothing changes. I can “understand” forever without making progress.
“Ok. Ok. I get it already…this is what doesn’t work…what does work?” The answer seems obvious—get in touch with the parts that I have hidden from myself.
“Wow! How do I get in touch with something that I’m unconscious of?”
It is not an easy task. One way to help is to meditate regularly, asking for help from the spiritual realm.
Another way is to find your way to a Pathwork group. It is in working in a group on a regular basis that your unconscious will come to the surface.
Being in a relationship and looking at each issue that arises between you and another will also bring your issues to the surface. But, you still may not be able to see them ourselves. You still will need someone to gently lead you through your part.
It is through risking showing what is deeply hidden from others that you can access the issues in a loving environment. Now, a loving environment doesn’t mean all is going to be love and light every minute.
“Why would I want to be in some group that is bringing to the surface the shadow in me?”
For sure you can only have a choice in what you do when you can see and feel what is really happening. In having a choice you can then choose what serves you best.
“After I have a choice, all will be well?”
Unfortunately, no. That side of you that is hidden actually likes the energy of the negative. Yhe Pathwork calls it negative pleasure. Negative pleasure may not feel “good” or “pleasant,” yet is a way to get our energy moving; it is a time when we feel more alive. It has an intensity to it that we like. To heal we have to “understand” that we can keep the intensity without attaching a negative way of dealing with the world around us.
“Where can I find one of these groups?”
Look for a Pathwork Transformation Program. If there is none in your area, you can travel to the Mid-Atlantic Pathwork region. See the flyer in my calendar of events for the non-residential Pathwork Transformation Program that will begin in October of 2017.
“What is this Pathwork Transformation Program?”
This program is an on-going group where those who are quite serious about their healing, come together to work on their unconscious issues, those very same issues that are locked in the cells of the body. It is a safe, loving environment where you can heal.
You will learn by reading, discussing, and experiencing the Pathwork lectures, by moving the body to access those cells, by using prayer and meditation, by participating in group ritual, and by getting individual time to work on your issues.
I would love to hear how you are doing as you dive deeply into what is unconscious in you.
If the bus represents you as you navigate your way through life, which part of you is driving?
For most of us the ego takes over during that part of life where we are developing a career and/or raising a family. And we need a strong ego to travel along our spiritual path.
However, the ego is not equipped to hear inspiration, to connect deeply with spirit, or to enhance a knowing about the steps we need to take to heal our wounding. Perhaps, the ego and the Divine Inner Self need a partnership. The ego is well equipped to follow directions, (Turn right in half a mile) or to ignore the directions. The ego is good at judging, prioritizing, debugging, making lists and many, many daily tasks. The ideas, however, must come from a different place, from that place inside where new ideas formulate.
Have you ever watched an inventor or a scientist or a mathematician solve a problem?
I recently watched the movie “Hidden Figures” about the black women mathematicians at NASA solving problems. The main character would stand there and look at the problem for a while and then suddenly she knew what to do. Now I know Hollywood souped up and speeded up the whole process, but I remember being in college and working on a mathematics problem. (Yes, I was a math major) It would rattle around in me for hours and sometimes for days. I would do something else while that inner place would continue to work. Then later, out would pop the solution.
Looking back now I can see my ego getting up from the driver’s seat and allowing my inner being into the drivers seat for a while. That inner part of me wasn’t that good at driving, so the ego had to stay around in case the deep inner knowing place’s attention would wander off.
Later in life I learned to connect with my inner self so that new guidance could come in. Was it me; was it from the spirit world, does it even matter? No matter where the guidance is coming from, I trust it as a positive force after being shown the positive result of following that guidance over and over.
I didn’t always allow the ego to take new directions. I fought and argued and even flat out said NO. Yet, there continued to be a gentle, kind, loving urge. It has never let me down.
Not even once.
After I surrender to it, let go of fighting it, my ego gets a new set of directions, perhaps even a new destination and can take over the details of the driving. That’s what the ego is good at.
Who is driving your bus? Where are the different parts of you sitting? What do you see when you look out the window? Even what kind of bus are you driving?
The Pathwork process would ask you to look at a few additional questions:
What’s behind any part of you that doesn’t want the ego to let go of control? I could be fear that showing your emotions would be a great risk, even great peril. Or perhaps you believe that there isn’t that deep spiritual place that can give you guidance, or maybe your ego is mad about having to give up control — does it like being top dog?
The second question to ask yourself is — how long has this been going on in me? Is it relatively new? More likely you have been doing this behavior for years, perhaps since you were young. Can you trace it back to the beginning? Maybe you don’t even have a memory to go with the certainty that this age was where it began. You were probably very young, perhaps even preverbal. In that case it’s no surprise that you don’t have strong memories. But ask yourself what was going on in your life at this time.
The last question ponder is — are there any consequences to continuing to be in control? Are others drawn to you as you withhold your feelings? And is that ok with you? Or are you lonely and isolated without enough interaction with others.
If you want to change, it requires you to do something different, to find out who could be safe for you to share how you are really feeling — and not just reporting about your feelings but sharing them. That is one avenue that you can make to allow spirit to give directions so that your life makes a positive change.
I’d love to work with you in making this change.
Do You Heal With Energy or Consciousness?
I’ve been thinking recently (see the smoke coming out of my ears?) about Pathwork Guide Lecture 119: Movement, Consciousness, Experience: Pleasure, The Essence of Life. That’s quite a mouthful of a title, isn’t it? The part of the lecture I’m thinking about are the two ways we process our issues—with our consciousness and with the energy of our bodies (called movement in this lecture). I can see how each can be used as a defense and how each can be a part of our divine essence.
Consciousness people learn and begin to experience healing via the mind. We think and sort, reason and categorize. I myself feel safe if I can understand what is going on. There is a place in me that feels secure when all the pieces connect, when they seem to fit together well. Perhaps it’s a result of the chaos I grew up in where I never knew what I would find when opened the front door at home. I could only count on there being something different and unexpected. I learned early to rely on myself for everything. So when all the puzzle pieces fit together, it feels good to me.
Energy people learn and begin to experience healing via the body. There is movement within us that makes the world seem safe, and we find where we fit in that world. The energy moves us through life. I didn’t find my connection to energy until I had been working with Pathwork for a few years. I wanted to learn to open to the way energy moves everything, just like the scientists told us. It’s a way to bypass the thinking and go straight to the heart of the issue.
In the United States (and probably in many other parts of the world) we tend to be thinkers and many have developed their reasoning abilities while the emotional and energetic parts of us have been neglected. How could we have done differently considering our history? We came from the Bible belt in the South or the Puritans in the North, Midwesterners were concentrating on growing crops and staying alive, and out West the cowboys were focused on keeping up with and rounding up the herds or trapping in the northwest. I could digress into a history lesson, but you know it as well as I do. We learned to obey and turn off the parts of us that we couldn’t see, the parts that were in touch with nature and the moving energy that is inside all beings including plants, animals, and the very Earth itself. The native peoples across the globe knew how to stay in tune with the Earth. Why did we get so scared of it?
As I now tune into the energy moving through and around me, I am in touch with a knowing, a deep intelligence that is in Mother Earth. I feel my responsibility to tend to the property where I live, to keep this little piece of land as sacred.
How did I get off on that topic? I was feeling into the two ways we process our issues, through consciousness and through energy. I’ve found techniques that move the energy through our bodies that can bypass all that thinking. It’s such a waste of time when we use thinking/reasoning/sorting as a defense. It doesn’t make us safe; it only makes us RIGHT! (As if to say: “Nobody can tell me I’m wrong…I have my proof all lined up!”)
I’ve just returned from teaching in the third year of the Pathwork Transformation Program at our Sevenoaks Retreat Center. (Year 3 is about relationship) I’m amazed and in awe all over again at the absolute miracles that can occur when we surrender to the deepest self, the self that knows what is truth, the self that knows what is next for us, and the self that can risk going for what we want.
And when I open to that energy, I find amazing healing that enters. Can you feel your potential? What a wonderful opportunity to expand! Come join me in an amazing journey into our own energies.
This week I’m getting ready to teach in the Pathwork Transformation Program. I’m reminded that we are all the same here in this human form. We are trying to heal ourselves from the traumas we may have suffered as a child, from the traumas that our ancestors experienced and brought into our DNA, and from the separation we experienced when we left the world of the divine. And how does one heal from trauma? Certainly, not by shoving it down below the surface of our awareness. In that case, we are then destined to act out from that place of unconsciousness.
What? Could it be that I am unconscious about the affect I am having on my fellow man? Could it be that I am being hurtful by the very behavior that feels like it is keeping me safe? And, yes. That is exactly what we are doing—hurting others.
Do we know about that deep down inside? Yes, we do. And we feel shame and guilt about it. But, of course, all that is pushed down deep inside where we are unaware of it. Instead, we focus on some other less intense guilt and shame—usually that of imperfection. We think, reason, figure out about how we or someone else has been imperfect.
Have you ever gotten mad at another driver while being on the road? Or how about when you have to wait in line to talk to someone on the phone? What is your reaction? Do you take this as an opportunity to pray or allow yourself to feel loving? If you are like me, you fume inwardly or try to distract yourself with your cell phone or a hundred other ways.
What if we used this as an opportunity to breathe deeply, to notice what might be going on underground in our unawareness? What if we used that time to set an intention to open to love and look around at others and smile? I’m going to try it today.
There is a certain sense of divinity that we feel when we are deeply connected to others. And that is just what happens within the Pathwork Community. I could feel the pleasure and the joy of sharing who we are deeply with another person. And it was evident when I drove onto the property of our beloved pathwork center here in mid-Virginia. It’s off the beaten track in a space that brings me peace, blessings, and joy. We recently had our community gathering that again reminds me what it means to be in community.
And peace be with us…
After spending many years trying to heal my woundedness, I begin to wander anew into the realm of surrendering to God’s will. What does that mean to me? Am I ready to take another step, dropping through the trapdoor in the floor that I thought was solid and down into another layer? (And why isn’t it up through the attic? But my connection always seems to be down into the earth, so this really does make sense.) What steps will be necessary for me to tune into the Will of God for me? I approach this new level with trepidation, with a knowing that it will mean a shift in my perspective that may not be comfortable or pleasant.
As I say YES to taking this new step, I feel a renewed anticipatory joy. I sink into the knowing—knowing that there is a vast oneness that is waiting for me, that place where all the disjointed pieces for me personally and for the world at large will fit together.
We are in turbulent times politically, and yet, there is the knowing that all is well. On the human level I may not agree with others, but at this new level, I trust the universe’s sense of timing and know that peace inside.
I’m thinking ahead about the upcoming Community Event at our Pathwork Center here in Virginia. It’s coming up at the end of this month and will be an awesome way for someone new to get a taste of some of the many types of activities we do under the Mid-Atlantic Pathwork umbrella. I’ll be leading a one-day event with another leader called “Coming Home”. What might this title mean to you? I remember years ago when I dropped deeply into the space of separation from God. I realize that this space can be different from one person to the next. It can be dark, hot, icy cold, dry, wet, zigzagging through space at lightning speed. But for me it was a place of darkness and emptiness. I felt so alone. When I could tune in, I realized that there was a light in the distance and I could choose to move closer to it. As I drew nearer, I was astonished to see many candlelike lights. I realized that I was really not alone at all. It was ME who had chosen separation. And I could change simply by moving toward the light. Later that same day I could feel a longing to go home. And then I realized that I am home here deep inside myself. I’m wanting you to find that place inside you.